78. AMUSING BRAND NAMES YOU WON’T BELIEVE WERE USED IN THE PHILIPPINES!

What’s in a brand name? A brand name defines and differentiates a product from its competitors in the eyes of the customer. So important are brand names that they can make or break a product—an urban legend has it that a car maker once named its new vehicle “Nova”, not knowing that “no va” meant “not going” in Spanish.

Would you go to a coffee house called “Cargo House” or “Pequod”? Those names by the way, were considered for your now favorite Starbucks. Then, there’s Lithiated Lemon, a lemon-lime drink introduced in 1929. But when renamed 7-Up, sales increased six-fold. On the other hand, there are perfect brand names like “Jollibee”, “Hapee” and “Mr.Clean” that evoke positive images of joy, clean living and fun.

 Before marketing experts offered their brand-naming services, many makers of products just coined their own brand names, resulting in amusing, unusual and sometimes, weird-sounding names.

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ANALGINA. Brand Name for : Medicine syrup for rheumatism and headaches

ANALGINA is the name of this cure-all also indicated for diarrhea, neuralgia, cramp, breastache, backache, indigestion and cough. At first impression, it has a name seemingly coined from two delicate parts of the human female anatomy—well, at least that’s how it reads.  But the first part of the brand name is derived from ‘analgesia” , which means “relief from pain”.  With the  suffix added however, ANALGINA, as a brand name, doesn’t evoke anything medicine-y; rather it sounds like a disease!  In 1929, you can buy ANALGINA over-the- counter at Botica Insular along Quesada St. in Manila. Just don’t say the name out loud.

 

ASEMBLEA FILIPINA. Brand Name for : Local cigarettes

Why would someone name a cigarette brand after the Philippine Assembly (Asemblea Filipina) ? Well, Simeon Roque y Compania,  maker of these “cigarillos” in Betis, Pampanga, just did. In fairness, the inauguration of the Philippine Assembly in 1907 was a major event, as that gave a glimmer of hope to Filipinos for self-rule. To the local cigarette maker maybe, that historic milestone is worth celebrating with a puff of a “cigarillo” stick. The cigarette label of “Asemblea Filipina” cigarettes even contain a short poem in the vernacular, exhorting customers Philippine-made products, not imported ones—and exhortation to nationalism, at a time we needed it most.

 

ATOMIC / ATOMI-CHLOR. Brand Name for :  Pomade / Pesticide

The atomic age began when the first nuclear bomb was detonated in 1945 that led to the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki  which ended World War II. It also started our fascination with atomic designs and organic forms,  inspired by atoms, missiles and rockets, that found their way in product designs and even in brand names. Such is the case with two different products sold and manufactured locally in the 50s .The first is ATOMIC Solid Brilliantine, a men’s pomade brand available in glass jars. What can this pomade do? Will it split the atoms in your hair?  Will you be positively charged? We may never know as this product had a short shelf life.

Another is ATOMI-CHLOR, a liquid product formulated to rid pet dogs and your lawn of  fleas, ticks and insects. This Chlordane-based product came out in 1951. One is wont to wonder if ATOMI-CHLOR had radioactive properties that killed these pests. But we now know that Chlordane is a chemical compound classified as an organic pollutants hazardous to animals, and even human health. Oops.

 

BAGONG LITAO. Brand Name for : Local cigarettes

Another strange name for a cigarette brand is “BAGONG LITAO” (Newly-Appeared), locally made and rolled in Pampanga by a certain Martin Torres. Even the front panel illustration is rather odd: it shows 3 Filipina women in baro’t saya—and they are not even smoking.  For cure, BAGONG LITAO is a reference to the new arrival of the product. But wouldn’t the name become obsolete in a year or so? Because by then, it will no longer be new. It will no longer be BAGONG LITAO, right? Hmmm, I need a smoke.

BALATKINIS. Brand Name for: Skin Ointment

Katialis is the most successful and most popular local skin ointment in history, with a formula developed by Dr. Lorenzo C. Reyes. Its name was derived from Kati+ Alis (Itch Away) . But the actual concoction was done by his chemist brother, Manuel, who mixed the ointment at the Locre Laboratorio in San Lazaro, Manila. After a decade, Manuel struck it on his own and developed his own product in  that, like Katialis, promised to eradicate: “galis, buni, pigsa, tagihawa, butlig, anan,pekas alipunga at sugat na maliliit”.  Manuel also named it like Katialis—combining Balat + Kinis to come up with the brand name BALATKINIS  (Smooth Skin).  Launched in 1947, BALATKINIS, the copycat product with a copycat name proved to be short-lived.  

BARRY’S TRICOPHEROUS. Brand name for:  Hair Tonic against baldness, thinning hair and dandruff

BARRY’S TRICOPHEROUS was introduced in the late 1840s by "professor" and former New York wig-maker, Alexander C. Barry. The term “tricopherous” alone  conjures many images—either a serious, incurable disease or the name of an extinct dinosaur. But despite its name, the product did surprisingly well.  Barry exhorted his customers: “Stimulate the skin to healthful action with the Tricopherous, and the torpid vessels, recovering their activity, will annihilate the disease.” Apparently, that worked for many satisfied men. The product contains 97% alcohol, 1.5% castor oil, and 1% tincture of cantharides (Spanish fly), which supposedly help stimulate the scalp’s blood supply.  BARRY’S TRICOPHEROUS is still being produced and sold today by Lanman & Kemp-Barclay & Co.

 

BLACK PANTHER. Brand Name for: Hair Pomade and Perfume Lotion

Nope, this cosmetic brand was not inspired by Stan Lee’s character, Black Panther, who ruled over the kingdom of Wakanda and who first appeared in comic books in 1966. The cosmetic products BLACK PANTHER Hair predate Stan’s superhero by a good decade, appearing first in the early 1950s. BLACK PANTHER was manufactured by Lander New York, andsold in the Philippines by eter & Co., in Manila. “The slumbering fire of BLACK PANTHER…attacks a man’s heart…attack a woman’s heart…until they merge in a flame of ecstacy”—so goes a line from its print ad, worthy of an Oscar. T’Challa would have approved.

 

GALISATUM. Brand Name for: Skin Ointment

GALISATUM Lunas Galis was a skin ointment developed by Dr. Carlos Jahrling of Botica Sta. Cruz in the 1930s. Dr. Jahrling was a German pharmacist from Offenbach who opened his own business in Manila.“Galis” was an all-encompassing local  term for any skin conditions. “-Atum” was a suffix that was  commonly used in pharmaceutical products  like “mentholatum”and “petrolatum”.  GALISATUM with Lunas Galis sounds more like an incantation or a Latin spell to improve skin condition, especially when you say it thrice.  But it does relieves prickly heat, chafing, pimples, mange, eczema, dandruff and  maladies with mysterious names like Dhobie’s Itch (another term for Jock’s Itch) and Hongkong Foot (a slang for athlete’s foot), as this ad from 1936 claims.

 

GAYTOP. Brand Name for: Concentrated Hairdressing and Conditioner

Before gay language became more elaborate, it was okay to for Helene Curtis to dub its latest hair conditioner product.  GAYTOP. Nothing wrong with that--in the late 1950s. Today, GAYTOP sounds so suggestive with its homo-erotic undertones;  it seems to reveal  one’s orientation and preferred sexual role—especially when talked about in a beauty parlor! Indeed, if this product were around today, it will be a “brand that dares not speak its name”.

 

JAGGING JAGGING. Brand Name for:  Face Powder and Pomade

There really is no reason why a  cosmetic product guaranteed to make you “lovely to look at” be named JAGGING JAGGING. It is nonsensical, unfeminine and the sound is far from mellifluous. But  Chun Huat Pomade Factory, the manufacturer, did just that, making it hard to believe that Jagging Jagging  is indeed,  a “girls’ favorite”. Ad from 1934.

 

KULSO-ALIS. Brand Name For:  Anti-diarrhea, anti-dysentery

Another product coming from Dr. Jahrling’s Botica St. Cruz is  KULSO-ALIS, a concoction with a brand name that comes from “Kulso” (diarrhea, loose bowel movement) and “Alis” (to be free from, begone). It was a common way to coin brand names for products this way, bewildering the Pilipino name may be to a foreigner. Perhaps this anti-LBM medicine was really meant to target local market only.It is interesting that Kulso-Alis lists  opium as one of its ingredients. Ad from 1937

 

LUTO. Brand Name for: Laundry soap

Philippine Manufacturing Company (PMC), founded in 1908, forayed into vegetable shortening production in 1917, and launched Purico to great success in 1919. It was made from palm oil, and sold in solid blocks, packed in cartons. When Procter & Gamble U.S.A. purchased PMC in 1935, the product portfolio expanded  to include detergents. In 1951,  the laundry soap LUTO came into the market. It had a rather strange name—LUTO—or “cook”. It also came in white blocks, which reminded people of Purico. Actually LUTO was derived from the process of making soaps, in which coconut or palm oil with lye is cooked to form a detergent soap, that is then molded into bars.  Thus, “Mag LUTO na tayo!” doesn’t just mean,”let’s cook”, but also let’s do the laundry!”, at least in the early 50s!

 

MONG ALING. Brand Name for: Remedy for anemia

This medicine intended for a serious disease has such a musical-sounding name, that it’s hard to believe it can bring relief to anemic women and mothers with disorders associated with pregnancy and their menses. Even the ingredients do not give a clue as why it was named MONG ALING. To make it more difficult to decipher, the word and numbers “Silang Lab.  No. 8368”, are appended to the brand name. One can just imagine if someone wrote a jingle for MONG ALING. It will probably go “Mong-aling-aling-ding-dong!”

 

ODORODO / ODORONO. Brand Name for: Deodorant

Brand names may sometimes sound alike, but these two midcentury anti-perspirant products have uncannily similarity and only a letter separates them: ODORODO and ODORONO.

The older one, ODORODO,  is a palindrome—it reads the same way when read backwards. Such literary devices were used to increase memorability of the brand name, but unfortunately Odorodo, even with its catchy name and unique Action-Proof formula, did not catch on. But at least, the euphemistic “B.O.” (for body odor) as headlined in this 1956 ad,  is still in our vocabulary today.  On the other hand, ODORONO is a cream deodorant which came out in 1961. In today’s stringent trademark rules, imitating the distinctive, perceptual features of a leader brand, such as its brand name is a violation.

 

OJOKOL. Brand Name for: Eye Remedy Solution

Say that again? Say this brand name wrong, and it will sound like a slang for self-erotic gratification. Time was when medicine brands had Spanish  names, a way of branding still in practice in the 1920s—when OJOKOL  was formulated by Botica Boie. The eye solution was meant to give cool relief to sore, irritated eyes (OJO means “eye” in Spanish, pronounced as “oho”), and as for the suffix, it’s one of those add-ons used by chemicals like alcohol,  glycol, ethanol. So next time you say OJOKOL, make sure  you pronounced it the way Spaniards do—not with the hard “j” we are accustomed to.

 

PALIKERO. Brand Name for: Pomade

Playboys and dandies would surely go for this pomade brand called  “PALIKERO”, that was produced in the mid 1930s. And it even had the audacity to use  on its paper label (unauthorized, for sure)  the picture of a  Hollywood icon who was known for his “palikero” roles on screen—Rudolph Valentino. Whether this pomade lived up to its name is a big question mark, as nobody seems to know this brand, or what happened to it.

 

REUTER’S  SOAP. Brand Name For: Skin Soap

The early toilet soap designed to beautify a woman’s complexion is a trademark of Lanman & Kemp-Barclay & Co., Inc. The company, itself was founded in 1808 by Robert I. Murray and its business was conducted under the firm name Murray & Lanman in New York.  The brand name--REUTER’S SOAP-- has nothing to do with the world-famous news bureau. It was named after its creator, Dr. John Reuter. The classic bar soap was sold in the 1950s under its Spanish brand name, Jabon de Reuter, in the Philippines. The company still is in cooperation today with headquarters in Westwood, New Jersey, and continues to sell the soap.

 

SAKITALIS. Brand name for: Medical Plaster

Now here’s another direct-to-the-point name for a pain-soothing medicated plaster—SAKITALIS (Aches away!).  The wordsmith had an easy time with this brand name, and even though it sounded like the aforementioned “Katialis”, it is still distinct in its category. SAKITALIS, which contains belladonna, was “the most effective plaster pan reliever”—in distinctive pink color! It was available in the late 1950s at all drugstores,  distributed by Colossal Drug Store. But the coming of made in Japan Salonpas, obliterated it, and by the 1970s, Salonpas became the dominant plaster brand, for its superior efficacy—not to mention its catchy, classy name that has become an everyday term for  a pain relieving plaster for all body parts.

 

SILENT NIGHT. Brand Name for: Perfume and Lotion

Yes, Virginia, there is such a perfume brand called SILENT NIGHT, ‘ a perfume masterpiece made by Countess Maritza of New York, U.S.A.”. It was locally distributed in local stores in 1962. But wait,  there’s also a SILENT NIGHT Lotion to complement it. Like a line from the carol, was it also tender and mild,? With a name like that, how can you miss? As the ad suggests—“it’s best to give on Christmas!”. One wonders if it is inappropriate to give SILENT NIGHT on other occasions, say, like birthdays and Valentines,

 

TANSAN. Brand Name for: Mineral Water

It’s okay to drink the TANSAN!!!

The crown cap revolutionized the glass bottling industry when it was invented in 1897 by William Painter. The first drink that featured the crimped tin cap was called TANSAN, a bottled mineral water marketed by Clifford Wilkinson in the early 1900s. The brand name TANSAN–believed to be of Japanese origin–has now come to mean crown caps in Filipino. The product first came out in straight-sided bottles, and then in small, bulb-shaped green bottles with the name in relief.  In its 1920s ads, TANSAN was proclaimed as a 100% pure, sourced from “natural waters free from all earthly deposits.” Being “radium-active,” TANSAN possesses many medicinal qualities, proven against stomach disorders.

 

VIN DÉSILES. Brand Name for: Tonic wine

The brand name of this revitalizing drink popular in the 1950s seem anachronistic as it sound like the name of contemporary Hollywood action star, Vin Diesel. But it was produced long before the action star of “XXX” and “The Fast and the Furious” was born.  VIN DÉSILES, a wine-based drink that claims to restore energy and appetite, and was distributed by Oceanic Commercial, Inc. in the Philippines. It may not have inspired the name of action star Vin Dieeel, but it sure is power-packed like him!

 NOTE: ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FOR ESQUIRE MAGAZINE AND PUBLISHED UNDER THE TITLE: The Most Hilarious Brand Names That Used to Exist in the Philippines, 11 February 2019.

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71. I SURVIVED ONE YEAR OF RETIREMENT! 30 March 2015

HAPPILY RETIRED, 30 MATCH 2014

Same time, last year, on March 30, I "disengaged" from my ad agency of 19 years and the ad industry for good--a life-changing decision. 

Today, my pockets may not be as full, but my heart always is--gaining the freedom to pursue the things I love best: I taught, got invited to speak in a national literary conference, gave talks on various aspects of culture in schools, became a consultant for a university, wrote major chapters for two books, provided creative recommendations for the relaunch of the Clark Museum, moonlit for an ad agency, set up a museum exhibit, attended art fairs, book launches and award ceremonies, sat as a member of the board of trustees for Kuliat foundation, won a Xmas essay contest sponsored by the Inquirer, judged various provincial festival contests, appeared on TV, gave museum tours, got recognized for my work in the arts by the provincial government, and most of all had more time to stop and smell the roses. 

Now that wasn't so bad, isn't it?

58. TALES OF THE TAPE

TALES OF THE TAPES

 Yesterday was a free day, so I decided to do a bit of cleaning around the house. I must admit I am a pack-rat like my parents, who never threw things away. Instead, we had the habit of stowing away things in the nooks and crannies of old cabinets, shoeboxes, biscuit tins and other secret compartments—until they are forgotten forever.

 So, great to my surprise when I found again my old cassette tapes stashed in one drawer of an antique altar table. Of course, you know what a cassette tape is—that thing which you wind with a pencil and plopped into a cassette tape recorder, around which our family music entertainment revolved for many decades. I had my Dad’s Xavier Cugat tapes, tapes from the folks in America, study tapes from my former ad agencies Ace Saatchi (from the 80s!) and Jimenez DÁrcy.

Lo and behold, even my school tapes from the mid 70s, are here—used for my radio productions as a Communication student. I can’t believe they’ve survived hours of playing, mold infestation and countless scotch tape repairs!! More amazing was the fact that many of them were still playable.

 I plunked one into my trusty cassette recorder and the garbled, but recognizable sound of a commercial I taped for a class assignment in 1976 spewed out of the speaker. It was a radio ad for a milk brand “Grow-Up Milk”, where I sang a jingle plagiarized from Nino Muhlach’s Milk Maid commercial. I even voiced the announcer part as well, in which I enunciated the address of the milk company—“siete doble siete, tapat ng poste, Manila!”

 The same tape contained assorted recordings I did that are almost 40 years old! I recorded for posterity, my friend Vic Lamug singing “Simple Man” when he guested on a folk program over at Station RMN. This must have been around 1976, when most us were in the folk scene. Too bad didn’t record my version of “Scarborough fair”.

 There was also several takes of my folk group rehearsing the song “Hurry Sundown”, for Visioned Link IV, in 1977. I had a nasal voice then, as now, but much tinnier! I was floored when I flipped the tape and heard the strains of “Dahil Sa Iyo”. It was our competition song for the Commerce Talent Show, Group Singing. We were a shoo-in to win as most of our members came the talented “Rhymes and Rhythms”, and we were coached no less than Levi Granadosin, one of the famous singing Granadosin brothers. Our vocalization sounded good on the tape, but onstage, we flopped and had to settle for 2nd.

 The most fun was listening to us rehearse the songs for our college day presentation night, entitled “Come Alive”. I wrote the lyrics of the theme song (“What do we need to survive/ We need love to come alive!/ Well I guess there’s no other way/ Come alive with us today!) with music supplied by my talented classmate Francis Cardona—who doubled as the music conductor!

The highlight was the staging of the musical “Timmy”, with all-original songs written by classmate Jojo Barreiro. I could distinctly hear Tina Chua singing the title tune, “T-I-M-M-Y…that’s Timmy! Something out of a fantasy…”. And guess who played the title role? Me!! Also in the cast--and on tape-- was Cya Jonson, leading the ensemble with the rousing “Welcome to our village…we hope you feel at ease…welcome to our village…and sing!! , Well, at 18 years old, we could certainly sing our lungs out! Such verve..and such nerve!

 My tape compilation grew when I went to work in Manila—and a few saved cassettes yielded jingle studies done by the prolific jinglemaker Caloy Agawa for the Ministry of Tourism account, then handled by Ace Saatchi. There were 3 studies done for a domestic tourism jingle that had for its theme “Huwag Maging Dayuhan sa Sariling Bayan” (Don’t be a Stranger in your own Paradise, English version). I did the English lyrics and my CD, the Famas Awardee Jimmy Santiago wrote the Pilipino version which completely knocked me out for its lyricism and imagery.

 My agency ,Ace Saatchi was a regular in inter-agency competition that were all the rage in the 80s---and in 1987, we joined the Inter-Agency Christmas Chorale Competition. Caught on tape were the voices of our choral group singing a most unique competition song—“Jellicle Song””, from the musical cats.

 The song had been reworked to include Christmas lyrics, and included lively purring, meowing and caterwauling!. Listening to the song, I was transported back to the big final night where we came in feline outfits and belted out our song under the musical direction of Betsy Basilio. It was no-contest from the start--we swept competition away, winning Best Choreography and Best Chorale Group! What other stories could these ancient cassette tapes hold?

Well, I haven’t listened to all of them and I plan to do that in the next few days. Maybe I’ll start with my 30 year old home recordings doing my versions of those “”I-am-just-a-poor-boy-though-my-story’s-seldom-told” folk tunes. Or maybe I’ll have the contents transferred to a disc or digitized some day.

Then again, maybe that’s not necessary--I’ll just play them on my vintage cassette recorder and relive once more those carefree days when our pleasures were simpler, when things were less complicated, and where worries were solved with a familiar song, a guitar and a tape recorder on hand.

38. TRAVELS WITH JIMBASIC

JimenezBasic is known in the advertising industry for its legendary foreign trips, a way of rewarding its people for a job well done. In the 1st year that the agency made its first profit of P90,000, it decided to splurge on a Hong Kong trip for its then 10 employees. The agency has grown by leaps and bounds since, and today, it is the country's number one creative agency powered by 120 driven creative, hardworking and passionate young ad people. The tradition of travel has also continued, depending on the annual agency performance, of course. In these journeys, everyone gets to go--senior officers, copywriters, art directors, secretaries, company messengers, janitors and coffee boys. The Jimenezes believe that the experience of world travel is something money can't buy--and everyone agree! We've seen the Great Wall of China, got our tans in Bali, sheared sheep in Sydney, holidayed in Hong Kong twice, touched the Taj in India, swung thru Singapore and got tongue-Thai'd in Bangkok. There was a year that we chose London as our destination--but not everyone got a visa; the British Embassy was just incredulous that the company could afford to send its staff for an English junket. "All for one and one for all" had always been our battlecry, so we decided to have our tea in visa-free Hong Kong instead--for 5 heady days of shopping, and with free spending money! And what about this year? Well, this December, we're closing shop for 4 days, to see if there are indeed lumpia in Shanghai!

1995: SYDNEY AUSTRALIA

1996: BEIJING, CHINA

1997: HONGKONG

2000: SINGAPORE

2002: BALI, INDONESIA

2004: SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA

2005: NEW DELHI, AGRA, INDIA

2006: BANGKOK, THAILAND

2007: SHANGHAI, CHINA

2010: ATHENS, GREECE

2011: MARRAKESH, CASABLANCA, MOROCCO

2012: MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

29. ON CAMPAIGN ASIA: Alex Castro, Creative Q & A

Alex Castro, creative director at Publicis JimenezBasic, takes time off his busy schedule to share his stories on how he cut his teeth in the advertising industry, being impressed with people having a great sense of humour, and going home at 5 pm to prove a theory.

 CREATIVE Q&A: Publicis Jimenez Basic's Alex Castro, How did you get into advertising?

 I was in my junior year in communications when the 'advertising' subject was included in our school curriculum. We also had a new professor — a former advertising practitioner from Manila who told us how lucrative agency work can be — a copywriter can make thousands just by writing a headline of seven to ten words! Naturally, I lapped every thing he said and after graduation, I was singleminded with what I wanted to do — to join an ad agency in Manila and be an advertising great! I went the usual route — writing my resume and mailing them to ad agencies I picked at random from a telephone directory. All of a sudden, I was being interviewed by all sorts of agencies! It was an exciting, exhilarating time for a ‘promdi’ graduate like me.

 What was your first ever ad? 
 It was for a print ad for a brand of sports shirt called “Go Barefoot”. I still remember the headline I wrote. “Get ready…Get Set…Go Barefoot!”. My client loved it, despite it being such a predictable headline — and made sure my boss knew it.

 What was your first ever job?

 I worked odd jobs in Baguio, where I attended St. Louis University, and my very first regular job was as a folk singer at Mr Gingerbread Man, then one of the coolest folk joints in the city. I did mostly Baez, Dylan and Peter, Paul and Mary stuff. Tito Mina shared the Thursday sked with me. I got paid Php10 a night with free dinner and this went on for 2 years.My first agency job? It was this teeny-weeny agency owned by 3 Chinese siblings, Peggy, Becky and Sonny Sun called PBS Promotions with offices at United Nations Avenue. When things got better, we moved to a suite at the Roman Super Cinerama Building. I was paid P450 a month. That was a pretty neat arrangement because after work on Fridays, I would just cross the street, go to the Philippine Rabbit Bus Station and hop on a bus for a ride back home to Pampanga.

 What was your worst job ever?
Doing PA work for artists, which I did for awhile as a promotions supervisor for a recording company. I carried singers’ wardrobe and accessories for their pictorials and it was both a very exhausting and humbling experience.

 What does it take to impress you? 
 People who impress me are people who make me laugh. It’s very hard to make people see the lighter side of things, and people with a great sense of humor definitely turn me on.

Where do you go to be inspired? 
 I move around a lot. Travel was an essential part of work when I lived in Bangkok for four years. I was constantly working around the region. The sights, sounds and smell of a new place excite me. To this day, when I am bored, I take the car out for a spin and drive aimlessly until I find an interesting place, park the car in the plaza of some town and explore the place on foot. I can spend a whole morning visiting ancient churches, ancestral houses, old monuments. Their art and architecture inspire me…

 If you can spend one day with a celebrity or historical figure, who would it be? Why?
Maybe spend it with an ancestor—Isabelo del Rosario (b. 1878/d.1901), a Kapampangan patriot and a Katipunero who was executed in Mexico for his role in the Philippine Revolution. Kapitan Bicong’s last request was to play his violin for one last time. With that final wish granted, he proceeded to play a moving version of “Danza Habanera de Filipina”. After which, he smashed his violin to smithereens on the gallows’ post where he was to hang. I often wonder if I got my sense of drama from him…

What is your guilty pleasure?
Collecting art and antiques. I’ve been an incurable collector since my creative director at Ace Saatchi turned me on to antiques, and I have not stopped since — accumulating everything from Mabini paintings, folk santos to ecclesiastical art and ephemera. My collection of old photos even became the basis for a pictorial history book which I published in 2006.

 If you have to come back as an animal, what would you be? Why?
I would come back as my cat, Uma. He sleeps 10 hours day, eats only gourmet catfood, and has the house all to himself five days a week. I would like to live his pampered life of leisure.

 What is the last book you read? 
Pinatubo: A Volcano in our Backyard, written by my good friend, Robby Tantingco. It’s a look-back at the Pinatubo eruption that happened exactly 20 years ago and its tragic aftermath. We, in Pampanga, were all profoundly affected with much of our material heritage lost in the destructive lahar flows. That is why, I value more my roots now and have become a staunch cultural activist.

Which ad do you wish you had made? 
Those Cherokee Jeep Ads—which show two outlines of animals intersecting and forming the outline of the vehicle—are startling, yet surprisingly simple. They stop you on your track, engages you to think—and you get it—the merged qualities of the creatures are found in a Cherokee jeep! I think it was done by a Malaysian agency, and won at the Cannes.On youtube, you would find me reviewing the classic Philippine Coke commercials of the late 70s and 80s (Add a Coke & A Smile, Coke is It!), a tribute to the simple joys of youth. I wish I’d done those, a perfect blend of music and unforgettable imagery..

 Worst haircut you’ve ever had?
When ducktails were the rage in the 1980s, I had not one, but two, courtesy of Hair 2000—that salon along Evangelista St., that a lot of creatives went to.

 Describe your typical day.
I am the agency’s early bird---I am at the office before 7:00 A.M. The quiet mornings hours are ideal for my writing duties (I still personally write a lot of copy) and admin stuff. I usually take my breakfast in the office, you know, whatever is available, cereals today, Jollibee the next. After 9:30, the real work begins—with endless creative clearances, meetings, client calls and brainstorms. At 5 o’clock, you would often find me calling it a day—“It is time to disengage..”, I would often say, and this has become an office byword here. I read somewhere that there are more successful people going home at 5 PM, so I am just helping prove that theory…

 Can you suggest a question for our next Q&A candidate?
What was the worst thing said against you as an agency person?

Yes or no. If given the opportunity would you be the first human guinea pig to land on Mars? And why? (Question provided by Leo Burnett Melbourne’s Jason Williams)

Yes. Because anything I will achieve will benefit humanity. BUT on one condition: That there should be a guarantee of my return to Earth.

(15 August 2011)

27. Look What I Found: I WAS A PRODUCT DANGLER

Today, I decided to do some springcleaning and found a point-of-sale material called a "product dangler" for Visine Spray Eyeglass Cleaner.

This is a die-cut cardboard piece that one attached to a shelf counter so that the product panel dangled and wobbled in front of passing customers, thus calling their attention.

And guess who the buzz cut, bespectacled model who dangled and wobbled at all leading drugstores and supermarts--ME!

12. Look What I Found III: ME, IN A MAGNOLIA AD

MY FULL PAGE WORTH OF FAME.  The original print ad for Magnolia Dairy Bar with me as the milk-shake drinking model.

Now here's a real blast from my secret past. Once upon a time, I had my 30 seconds of fame as a commercial model. Unthinkable, you say? Well, I have a tear sheet of a full page, full color print ad for Magnolia Ice Cream House to prove it. Remember that famous dairy bar along Aurora Boulevard that served all those yummy frozen specialties? Whether you believe it or not, I was once their flavor of the month!

This must have been around 1979 or 1980. I remember being handpicked by the Director, Manuel “Jun” Urbano Jr. (known to this generation as Mr. Shoo-Li) for this one minute slice-of-life commercial, showing people of all ages, enjoying a Magnolia frozen treat. Featured in vignettes were a pair of young lovers (Raymond Lauchengco got that one), a family of 4, a Mother Superior and her brood of nuns (Gigi Virata was one of them). A group of executives, a school barkada ( With That's Entertainment member, Joel Alano+) and a bespectacled nerd (guess who?).

 I recall shooting the commercial in one extra long day. My instructions were for me to act like I was so absorbed with a book, that upon leaning to drink my milk shake, my chin gets bumped by the straw. Then I had to do furtive glances left and right to see if someone had seen my awkward moment. True enough, a colegiala seated nearby does, and I bury myself between the pages of the book. It sounded so easy, but by the end of take 5, you feel mechanical and rattled, and most of all, confused.

 In any case, I made it to the final edit of the commercial, as well as the print ad version that you see here. Not only that, in less than a month, I was again shooting a Magnolia Chocolait TV commercial with nerdy me sandwiched between 2 chocolate-sipping lovelies, who have taken refuge under my umbrella in the rain. Who cares if I was typecasted? I was, officially, a commercial model!

Now let me show you my print ad for that famous soap brand, if only I can find it…

5. Star Shrine: TESSIE TOMAS, The Total Comedienne

TONGUE-THAI'D. Tessie Tomas drops by for a surprise visit during my work stint in Bangkok, Thailand. 1992.

“Good evening! I am Tessie Tomas, but you may call me T.T. for short. T.T. stands for Tessie Tomas, but most of the time it stands by itself..”

I first knew of the irrepressible Tessie Tomas when I joined Ace Compton as a junior copywriter in 1981. Ace Compton was in transition then, after losing its major creative talents to other agencies brought about by the loss of the Pepsi and other important accounts. Small, post-lunch talk would revolve around this brilliant creative director—Tessie Tomas by name-- whom the agency had lost to McCann Erickson, and who had subsequently risen to the rank of a Vice President, after creating winning campaigns for Johnson and Johnson. But the creatives would also talk endearingly about her antics and her zany humor and the ease by which she sold creative ideas with her voice-acting and her energy.

WHAT'S MY CUE? Tessie's handwritten cue cards for a show at her agency alma mater, Ace Compton. 1985.

After all, Tessie was a cum laude Communications graduate from U.P. She also happened to be the daughter of the respected radio voice talent, Laura Hermosa, and it was from her that Tessie inherited her gift of vocal performance and drama.

Her bosom friend, also an Ace Creative Director, Julie Lingan, also serviced the same Johnson & Johnson account of which I was her writer. In client calls, we would sometimes bump into Tessie--and I was at once starstruck. Not only because she was an industry legend but also at that time, she was already doing after-hours comedy dinner shows and was a regular in a hit TV comedy show called “Champoy”.

ALL LAFFS RESERVED. Manila Garden Hotel show, 1985.

It was Julie who sold me to Tessie. "You should mee my writer--si Alex! Magaling magsulat! He writes our Xmas chow script. Very funny! You should try him out sa mga shows mo.."

So that 's how I got to meet Tessie, early 1983. By then, she had done the unthinkable--she had resigned from her corporate job and had decided to plunge headlong into the dizzying, dazzling world of showbiz-- a world she was born in, and whose challenges she was now set to embrace. 

She introduced  whole brand of humor to a willing audience--more cerebral, less slapstick, comedy that made funny commentaries on our social state, our prevailing mores, the travails of eking out a living. She took a jab at corrupt politicians, and celebrated the resilience of Filipinos.

PASSION PLAY. "A woman named Desire, wants you to play with fire".  Valentine show at Century Park Sheraton. 1985.

Her first one-woman show—“Miss Margarida’s Way”—featured her as the demented, underpaid schoolmarm, which proved to be her first hit. Her star was clearly and quickly on the rise.

 “Let me introduce you to..Literary Geometry. Cosine to the left of them…tangents to the right of them… Into the valley of death…rode the logarithms!”

A SHOW OF PASSION. Scripts by Alex R. Castro, Tessie Tomas, Lorenzo Reyes. Directed by Rene Hinojales.

She wrote most of her material, but when rehearsals took most of her time, she farmed out scripting jobs to friends like Peque Gallaga, Lorie Reyes and Enrico Santos. Tessie tried me out for a dinner-theater show at a popular bistro in Magallanes called “The Windmill”. She was always pretty clear with the characters she wanted to portray, and for this initial assignment, she wanted me to do a script for a Japanese geisha working in the Philippines. So that’s how Sakura Bitsu-Bitsu was born. She brought the house down when she performed the skit in that show, and she decided to repeat that performance on “Champoy”, which was also met with howling success.

“Hero, I am Sakura Bitsu-Bitsu, originally from Nagasaki, Japan, now living in Naga City, Firipins. Wercam to my restaurant, ne? I am your o-to-san. Our espesyarti is Pancit Miki..very precious noodle, ne? Because is made from real Mikimoto pearls from Japan, and not from Miki Mouse from Disniland. Sayonarang!”

BONI BUENDIA: Ang Bituing Matapang (Da Bold Star), directed by Peque Gallaga. Manila Peninsula. 1985.

In time, the audience met her different personas—social worker Charito Calubaquib, Lady ‘Day—Princess of Leyte Gulf, the ever-pregnant housewife Teysi Abuvaquer, and Saudi wife Mimay Timtiman. Then there’s the the Playboy rabbit, Bunny Elsa and the culinary expert Nora Lasa. From a contributing writer, I was promoted to being her main writer, and in 1984, she put up her one-woman spectacle at Hotel Intercon, directed by Boy Abunda Jr. entitled, “T.Tillations”.

T.T.LLATIONS. A One-Woman Spectacle. Scripts by Alex R. Castro and Tessie Tomas. Directed by Boy Abunda. Hotel Intercon, 1984.

 “There’s a thin line between sanity and madness”, the program blurb warned, and this was proved true when, for the next hour or so, Tessie became Boni Buendia (d’bold star), Kona’na the Barbarian, Nastasia Kiski (sex-crazed therapist) and Little Red Riding Hood (she played also the wolf and the woodsman).

It was a thrill to watch her perform my scripts and even if the show got mixed reviews, I knew Tessie was bound for greater things.

“Hi, allow me to seduce myself. I am Nastassia Kiski. Sex Therapist by profession, sex maniac by night. My father is Polish, my mother is Danish, my sex life is Swedish”

FROM GAGS TO STITCHES. Light & Sound Theatre Lounge. Scripts by Tessie Tomas, Alex Castro, Peque Gallaga, Ipe Pelino. Directed by Rene Hinojales. 1985.

 “Champoy” had also started making buzz on TV, with the ribtickling and oftentimes, controversial rotines of Noel Trinidad (also an ex- Ace Comptonite, by the way), Gary Lising, Subas Herrero—and of course, Tessie Tomas. While the “Mr. Boom-Boom” jokes proved to be an instant hit, the wacky weather reports of umbrella-wielding Amanda Pineda, were making even more lasting impressions. While reporting weather conditions, Amanda would, at the same time be making dire observations about our dire social conditions under a repressive government, dishing out her fearful forecasts for the nation, often sugar-coated with her brand of seemingly-innocent humor and catchy punchlines.

“PAG-ASA-A. Pan-American, Pantasmagoric, Accumulation of Global Atmospheric Allegiance for Southeast Asia, America, Africa, Antartica, Australia and All Around the World—PAG-ASA-A!”.

 At the height of the Ninoy fever, when anti-Marcos sentiments were silently but surely growing, Tessie introduced us to another character that was to bring her lasting fame and infamy, as well as define the totality of her career as a first-rate performer: MELDITA. She had already been doing vignettes of this colorful persona—obviously a take on Imelda Marcos—creating a character that is at once powerful yet pathetic, strong-willed yet soft, greedy yet giving.

IMELDIFIC SHOW. "Meldita!". Light & Sound Theatre Lounge. Post-People Power Show. Directed by Kokoy Jimenez.

When Tessie took to the stage, she became a larger-than-life Imelda--and more. Each staging exposed Rizal Theater SRO crowds to the lurid madness that was Malacanang: her stormy relationships with Macoy and rebel child Imee, her fantasies about royalty, her obsessive-compulsive drive to make the Philippines great again. But it was also a story about finding fulfillment and acceptance by all means and at all costs, which Meldita always sought but never gained. Tessie not only received accolades for her tour-de-force performance, but also death threats. But she couldn’t care less; it was her craft that spurred her on--her pioneering one-woman shows had given her the avenue to artistically express her awakened sense of social awareness that she was now willing to impart.

 “Don’t cry for me, Metro Manila. The truth is—I never left you… All through my wild days.. My mad existence.. You can have Cory.. I have the money..” --Meldita, after the downfall.

ALL LAFFS RESERVED. Starring Tessie Tomas, Bill Ibanez, and introducing Jon Santos.

 Besides, the unfolding events in the country gave her new material to further sharpen her comedic skills, and these new routines were lapped up by laughing audiences from Rizal Theater, Sanctuary Bistro, Music Museum to Manila Mandarin and other mainstream venues. Meldita became a long-running theater act even after the coup, and for this, Tessie won the Aliw Award for Best Performer of the Year.

AS LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. From the show "T.Tillations. She portrayed multiple chatracters: Red Riding Hood, Wolf and Grandma!

 From the stage to the screen, Tessie proved to be an equally effective performer. Her first film was “Broken Marriage” in 1983. And then in 1987, she was cast in the international TV series “A Dangerous Life” based on the dying moments of the Marcos regime, where she bagged the coveted role of—who else?—Imelda Marcos. For this, she won an HBO Best Actress nomination.

KOMEDI TONAYT. At the Cosmo Bar, Greenhills. Scripts by Tessie Tomas, Marlon Rivera, Cary Rueda and Alex R. Castro. 1988.

Returning to her first love, she wrote the screenplay of “Separada” which won a Star Best Actress award for Maricel Soriano. Then, in 1991, Tessie transformed Mrs. Barbara Tengco--the neurotic rich matron in the long-running series “Abangan ang Susunod na Kabanata”-- into a TV and household word. Shifting gears, she hosted a successful talk show, “Teysi ng Tahanan”.

TESSIE UNCLOGGED. With Joji Isla. Scripts by Tessie Tomas and Alex R. Castro. Directed by Ed Murillo. Captain's Bar, Manila Mandarin. 1996.

Today, Tessie is still very much active in the entertainment circuit. She was last seen in the critically-acclaimed movies “Ploning” and “100”. She is currently appearing in the cast of the TV series, “Ako si Kim SamSoon”. Happily married to marine biologist, British Roger Pullin, Tessie is also a mother of an artist, U.S.-based Robin Tomas, who, at one time, was an art director of her mother’s agency alma mater, Ace Compton-Saatchi & Saatchi.

WEESHART! With Gary Lising. Directed by Johnny Manahan. Scripts by Tessie Tomas, Gary Lising and Alex Castro. Tavern on the Square.

As a friend, I am indebted to Tessie for opening new windows of opportunities for a junior writer like me. She let my ideas fly when I wrote her scripts, helping me expand and enrich my creative writing skills by allowing me to write material for fellow comedians Nanette Inventor, Gary Lising, Joji Isla and John Santos (whom she discovered in a college show at U.P.). When I was based and living in Bangkok, Tessie and Roger made a surprise visit which I really appreciated.

SHOOTING STAR. Shooting a segment for a Chow King corporate show, 2006.

Last time I was with her was when I got her to host a Chow King National Convention in Bohol 2 years ago. We had fun reliving the glory days of dinner theater shows and had more fun working together again. We don’t see each other as much these days, but every now and then, she would text or call for creative consultations with regards to her corporate shows.

That is why, I am looking forward to seeing er next month at the Ace-Compton Advertising Grand Reunion Show (“Amazing Ace’) which she will be hosting (and which I am now writing). It will be a gathering of agency creatives and colleagues from way back our crazy Compton days. I am sure the talk will invariably revolve around a wacky, brilliant creative director who followed her heart, became a star and made our agency proud: Tessie Tomas! (28 September 2008)

UPDATE 2011: TESSIE, JULIE AND ME. Bosom friends Tessie and Julie were both former creative directors at Ace-Compton Advertising. I would also join the ad agency and become a CD. It was Julie who introduced me to Tessie Tomas, and the rest, as they say, is history.